Thanks goes to my friend Vijay Dev for forwarding this to me. Also, no offenses intended towards any particular community. In every country there are jokes like this. So, take it in the right spirits and just enjoy the jokes.

-Regards, Mathew Simon.

Santa Singh was traveling in a crowded bus.  He was carrying the Passport size photograph of his son  (for college admission). Accidentally, the photograph fell down from his pocket. He started searching for it frantically & found the same on the floor of the bus. Politely, he asked the saree clad female, standing in front of him,

"Can you lift that saree? I wanna take a photograph".

The rest is history. He was beaten so badly that he had to be admitted in a hospital. He was surprised to see Banta Singh on the bed next to him, in a still worse condition. Banta started to explain his "Adventure".

He had gone to a remote village on some work & due to his high level of intelligence, couldn't finish the work on time. He had missed the last bus from that place. He couldn't find any hotel. So he approached a nearby house and asked the Owner whether he can stay there for the night.

The Owner replied "I have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry, I can't allow you to stay". He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the night.

The Owner replied, "I have 3 grown up daughters. Sorry, I can't allow you to stay".

In sheer desperation, Banta walked to the next house. Not wanting to take any chances, decided to use some smartness (???). With a lot of confidence he knocks on the door and asks,"

Do you have "grown up" daughters?".

The Owner asked, "WHY?????????"

Banta replied," I wanted to stay here for a night....."

Santa Singh was unemployed for several months but got a job with Public works. He is to paint lines down the center of a rural road. The boss informs him he is on probation and that he must stay at or above the set average of 2 miles per day to stay on the job. Santa agrees to the conditions and starts the next day.

The boss checks and finds out Santa finished 3.5 miles his first day out... "Great," he thought, "this guy will work out. The next day he finds Santa only did 2 miles but the boss figured, "Well he is still at the average and I don't want him to get discouraged. We'll see how it goes tomorrow."

The third day however the man only did one mile and now the boss thought, "I need to talk to him." The boss pulls the new employee in and says, "Santa, you were doing great,the first day you did 3.5 miles the second day  2 miles but yesterday you only did one mile. Why? is there a problem? An injury, equipment failure, anything keeping you from meeting the 2 mile minimum?"

Santa looked at the ground, obviously troubled... then replied, "Well boss, I keep getting farther and farther from the bucket."

Two fast friends, Santa Singh and Banta Singh, were great cricket fanatics.

They decided that whoever dies first will try to come back in the dreams of the other, and tell the other about the cricket scenario in the heaven.

 Santa Singh dies first. One day as Banta was fast sleep, he heard Santa calling him. He was very happy and was eager to know about cricket there.

"So, Santa! How is cricket in heaven?"

Santa replied, "Hey Banta, I have good news and bad news.

The good news is that tomorrow we are going to have a day & night tournament here in heaven.

And the bad news is that you are the opening bowler for tomorrow's match!"

Surjit Singh saw that his friend Baljit Singh was very depressed.

"What happened ?" asked Surjit.

"Yaar, I lost Rs. 800 in a bet yesterday."

"How come ?"

"Well, yesterday, the one-day match between India and England was being shown live on TV. I bet Rs.500 that India would win, but I lost the bet."

"But thats only Rs. 500, where did the rest go ?"

"Yaar, I bet on the highlights too"

A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him,

"Prahji,aap kya kar rahe ho?"

 To this the man replies,

"Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai, 'Wash Basin' ".

Santa Singh tried to light his cigarette. He struck the first match on the seat of his pants, but it wouldn't light. He tried another.

It wouldn't light. The third one finally lit.

He lit his cigarette, carefully blew the match out and put it in his vest pocket.

"What for did you put that match in your vest pocket?" asked his neighbour..

"That's a good match. I'll use it again."

A sardar sees lot of guys running on the highway. Asks a bystander as to why are the guys doing what they are doing. The bystander explains that a Marathon race is going on.

Sardar : What do they get from that?

Bystander : The winner will get a prize

Sardar : Then why are the others running?!

Then there's the one about the Sardarji who brought his binoculars to a funeral where they were going to bury a distant relative ...

The Sardarji Doctor to his patient:

"It's very important that you take this medicine exactly 30 minutes before you feel the pain."

There were these Sardarji twins who looked so incredibly alike, that sometimes they borrowed money from each other without the other really knowing about it.

One foggy evening two Sardarjis went out walking. One of the Sardarji was holding a flashlight, and suddenly he said to his friend:

"Why don't you just climb up this light-beam when I am holding the flashlight upwards like this?"

His friend looked at him and answered, "No, I can't do that Because if I did, you would just turn off the light, and I would fall down."

The Sardarji doctor was so afraid of bacteria, that he cooked his ice-cubes before he put them in his drink.

How can you recognize an surd in a submarine?

Ans: He is the one with the parachute on his back.

There was a Sardar and his name was

 ' SANTA SINGH NANGA '.

 Everybody used to laugh at him, tease him for having such a name.

Once in a friend's Party, the host introduced SANTA SINGH to others saying

"Meet my old friend SANTA SINGH NANGA ", and the whole party burst into laughter..

Santa could not take it any more and decided to legally change his name.  He went to the court and appealed to the judge:

Sardar: "Judge saab, mera naa sunke sare hass de ne. Tussi sunoge ta tussi vi hassoge. Mainu mera naa badalna hai"

Judge: "O nahi-nahi ! Koi gal nahi.. Tussi apna naa dasso..(bolo)"

Sardar: "Mera naa hai "SANTA SINGH NANGA"

Judge saab also starts laughing..

Judge : " Koi gal nahi.Koi gal nahi.  Tussi yeh batawo Tuhanu keda nava naa chahida hai ?"

Sardar (After thinking for a while): "Banta Singh Nanga "

One sardar came to Madras and wanted to do shopping in Burma-bazaar. His Tamilian friend told the sardar that the prices will be costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the price .

Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told Rs. 2000. Sardar asked for Rs.1000.vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for which sardar told no, no only Rs.900. Vendor told ok , i will give it for 1500 Rs for which sardar bargained for Rs.750.it was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation said he will give the sardar the stereo free of cost. Our sardar asked whether he will give two.

A fellow stopped at a rural petrol station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink.

He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of surds working along the roadside. One surd would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on.

The other surd came along behind and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet behind filling in the old. The men worked right past the fellow with the soft drink and went on down the road.

"I can't stand this,"> > said the man tossing the can in a trash container and heading down the road toward the surds.

"Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with this digging?"

"Well, we work for the city corporation" one of the surds said.

"But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up.

You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the city's money?"

"You don't understand," one of the surds said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally there's three of us- > > me, Santa and Banta. I dig the hole, Santa sticks in the tree and Banta here puts the dirt back.

Now just because Santa's sick, that don't mean that Banta and me can't work." jee. "